A glimpse

I am sitting in my cubicle and my penchant for a (cunning) wordplay sinks in. I cannot take a departure from the idea, though I know these distortions are often invalid – yet neglecting the nasty lure, as you know, is hardly possible. Whenever I tried to express any idea, irrespective of its triviality, either it turns out to be a void of facts or a repertoire of emotional jargons.

A lot of things happened in this tenure but I am too lazy to bring out every bit of it. So I shall flip through those pages but will try to highlight a few important facts, as it catches my eyesight. I will employ myself in a down to top approach in this regression.

I am enough presumptuous not to delve into those enterprises that hardly matter in long term revenue. I do that, I do not care and at the end of the day I feel proud about escaping it altogether. But still as it demands I try, as much as I can, to clad my extensive aversion; but most of the times my avenue to hide my naked hatred against the system remains a dodgy affair. I am amused to see how people can indulge in a life though they have a faint idea how hapless they will be once are shrugged off because they never tried to attain the skill to swim; just floated in the flight of time.  Ok, I don’t have any complain against you people, because you knew you did not have any better choice so embarked on whatever you had, but it is irritating when you interfere in others territory whose ideas are not in tandem with you; yet you propound your idea to them and leave no stone unturned to proclaim your streamline of thoughts are perfectly synchronized to attain heights in future, please do refrain.

I subscribed to the idea to respect the luck factor. Yes, you need to have a good share of it to be successful. But it does not mean in the process of ramifications you need to hold only that brunch which contains all luck in it, as a matter of fact you would not find any, it is a cascade which waits for you after a tumultuous journey.  Predicting when it will favor you is a futile task altogether.

Once again I have picked up a few books of Paulo Coelho, one of the seductive projects I could lay my hands upon after “eleven minutes”. Great creations by the person, I enjoy to read them while travelling or while I am lolling on my couch. I already tasted about two and a quarter of them and to my surprise each and everyone carries different smack and beauty replete with true inspiration. A calm yet very seductive vault of affairs in a terrain.

In the meantime I am done with my CAT, will be taking few others in couple of months. Pressure is building up and this is not one of the lovely times when you can enjoy your life holding a beer can in one of your hands and a book in the other.

Kipling aftermath

“If”(Rudyard Kipling) looks so good after so many days, for a special reason. A random personal turmoil with which ,of late, I am enough habituated. A few rude shocks here and there make me to realize that it is not easy to become a man if you don’t have a mental chimera to endure the pain and  keep moving forward. It’s one of the sad parts of life, you feel low when life hits you hard, at the same time you know you cannot allow the luxuriant pain to go abruptly till it takes the better of you, simply you can’t. You have to be focused without losing faith from yourself and need to keep on saying, this too shall pass.I can understand even facing your closed once ,who have the faith on you, becomes terribly difficult. Let alone those narcissists who will be happy if you screw it up and but will show off their false sympathy. But let face it. It will give you the fuel to keep yourself awake in the midnight rather having a rubbish sweet nap under your comfortable quilt.As Plato said we cannot acquire knowledge we just recollect the truth. And rough patches of your life will make you realize that you can surpass it. Here, life tests you. You have the resolution at your own disposal, it is just killing yourself for retribution.Whether you are good enough to get the brand of life or will remain to be an easy going one who just gets a life but never acquires the skill of living it. Here by living a life I mean to say, fighting and keeping your head high without breathing “a word about your loss”. It’s not that you want to prove those vitriol wrong it is all about proving that you were correct when you said you deserve every broth of it.

Anyway coming back to life I would like to mention a few lines of Linking Park with a small modification which can disrupt the taste all together. Still I do,pardon.

I tried so hard/ Got so far/ And in the end it all matters.

And it will matter,I believe.

“… If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son! ” -Rudyard Kipling

Does it worth

  If  life is not worth of taking risks,what does it worth of?A dialogue of a very recently watched english movie retrofits,as it seems.People take risks.Few take risks at market,few take risks for their loved once,few take risks in career.At the end of the game if one does not get what he(she) has thought of,one bleeds.A few still remain arrogant,follow the same circle.Every people at least follow the suit for at least for couple of times.When they face defeats life does not remain the same riffs,for the one they have given whatever they can,but life plays a cruel joke with them.It does not remain a bedtime story.Here onwards either vengeance strikes or they fade away very far from their once most cherished one or two.It happens.We have to accept what life dishes out to us,but the strive for getting the right one should continue.Suppose once you loved one girl deeply,as much as you could.But still you could not get her.I know how painful were those days,I know you could not sleep for nights.But then one night comes,your pain makes you so tired you fall asleep,you could not affort the bleed.Then one fine morning,you find no reason to get stuck at this point,so you move on.Once again you may get another hand too.Her eyes,her fragrance again start scientilates you,again you fall in love.You start chasing the unfinished tryst,this time you are fortunate enough,you get your girl.You live happily ever after..

   Now you start asking yourself what if you could get your first one,what if you could not bleed nights after nights.But that is how life is.It is worth of pain,fear and nostalgia.Thinking to wind this up with Floyd,

“ I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun.”

Just like that

 We are about to  end the year.Though I don’t want to betray they enthusiasm prevailing in the air by the word “ending”.So let me write the same in a different way.We are on the verge of another year,just like another twenty three years of my life.Some of us will surely map their strides and will embark on to achieve more and some of us will be hoping for a leap.Nothing unusual,nothing colossal just like that.The rat race will be as usual if you win,the virility will be postured otherwise there is another year to bring peace and happiness,as per the maxim.It comes it goes.Do all these can have enough capability to smear our image?May be yes may be not,I dont know.Not very objective,I suppose.Whatsoever it will be same for all the coming years.Those games which will declare us as winners will permease the adrenalin to  rush through our vain to get more significant ones.There is no limit of “more”,you know.It circulates,one never ending loop or rather a self replicating game,what we have been doing for “n” number of years,no change here atleast.Change is the only constant,change is good we say but each year borrows the same trepidation to loose out from the game.Can we put up with the excruciating pain of being defeated.So,we go down,we rename it a way of fighting for the justice,being a constituent of the same I cannot be against of it though.I cant ignore it,but does it not due the perturbation?Does it not that I fear to be destined alone;rambling for anything without,I say except,continuous improvement where one cannot cut down even a second to think about himself looks like an exercise to gasp for a breathe.I know I cannot show enough bravery to go against the motion still I feel,a catch22.This post has all odd materials to detest me in the coming year.I know I will frown about the time which gave me enough luxary to think all these rubbish,may not watch it out even,petrubation I already hinted.But it is a question I wanted to air.My idea is not devoted to quench the thirst of knowledge.It’s because, at times I felt, we enjoy to beat others,even some of our friends.Some of you already have the answer,why we cant cannibalize the intense mental taruma of loosing it out?Even this time also besets me with a lot of untoward questions,whether being a part of the race which has no end and which have been going for twenty three years,are  literary irritating me.The new year beckons.So better I retain what I am.The race will continue,better I accept.The clock is ticking,just like that!!

Eleven

After seeing all those ups and downs I made up myself ready for another year,with a promise eleven will be my year.An odd year,my forte.No,not more now I will do it.Suddenly I see I am confident about giving all for the game,result who cares,not I.That full hearted preparation was missing somewhere.A total focused approach,like I eat I drink I sleep for the one.Everyday when I wake up this goal should lead me and when the day comes to an end I carry the same deep in my heart.That thing was missing I suppose.Here I got a good group.As I mentioned in my status message let me bring the same here, I guess it is that moment gifted by God.It is not life wise rather target wise.There is pain,so ecstacy abounds!!This too shall pass only the history shall remain.Whether history will select you or throw you at the dustbin depends on your choice.So time to finish THE UNFINISHED EVENING

I Dream

It’s one of those long nights which keeps me awake,which keeps me to think about my dream.The facebook comment of Sinchanda again enthused me with renewed vigor to chase the dream I nurture.It was somewhat like this “Joka beckons those who dare to dream.”Yes indeed you need to dare to touch your dream.It aint easy,it’s a demanding subject.It checks the depthness of your willing and the power to dream. The willingness to be true with the dream ,someone fosters, and pursue it  is one of the toughest things one can encounter in his life.Leaving the battlefiled halfway is very easy and forgetting the winning chimera takes a few days to be completly washed out.Accepting the defeat is also very easy.But the energy and enthusiasm to loose all before winning the battle is manly indeed.Accepting ownself to be alone and taking all those wounds and hits and still having the keep moving forward attitude is easy to speak but going through the same is toughest.I salute to Somyakantida(aka skr_14),Sinchanda(aka rik_12) who were agreed to live in their dreams and were not ready to accept anything except their dream.I am very much sure the former will get into IIM-Calcutta very soon.All these keep me motivated enough to fight.Time will tell the rest about The Unfinished Evening.

Hope

It’s around four past in the morning.I am a litlle busy in mugging up some rubbish stuffs to get through one of the dovetail exams in order to ensure that my job does not get out of my hand.I was radomly rambling through the corridor,thinking about my present and consolidation required to touch my dreams.Suddenly I emabrked on to explore,by going down the memory lane, all those stupidity I made to ensure to remain detached from what I wanted.It may be anything.So,felt like going for a write up ,in between glimpsing through the materials.This space has been mostly acquired by either some random thoughts or the feline.Today I will envisage the latter.I was deeply embarrassed due a poor show I put up in this CAT.So,tried to look back those route causes which helped(rather daunted) me not to get the coveted call I aspired.I was switched off and was completely shut down for a few days and then somehow mustered the courage to pile of all those stuffs I had.During this postmortem,which should be done a few months back(my bad!!), I understood it was due to a lot of callousness for which I was unable to get the full use of those materials.When I saw the huge stack of undone concepts or an array of delayed work,I felt that still there are a lot of scope of improvement.I cannot say mastery over all concepts is impossible,those sky-rocketing scores of SamX and Aravind are testimony of facts.It’s impossible to replicate the same if you are lagging behind in one area.Be it reading abstracts with the prerequisite speed or even cracking those lengthy DI within a min or some conic problems or say like algebra anywhere no loophole is allowed.It’s more about hard work to plug those draconian holes you have, with a continual improvement and dedication.If you have just one dream and feel others are nonsense or if some of them already lost importance in your eyes then the importance of craking all these with a lot of fun cannot be denied  to seal your fate in the top most position you have setteled for yourself.You call it whatever you want.Call it a redemption or insurgence or even can say myself arrogant enough but I feel I have not given it my all.Somehow it helps me going.One day,hopefully,when I will be a coffie junky and shall be passing those long nights in my dream place, I will get back to these posts.Certainly, I would feel nostalgic.This accident of time shall remain.These days of dreams shall remain forver.Anyway,as I have started this post with a hope then let me end it wih it too.

“Hope is a good thing,may be the best of the things and no good thing ever dies.”

Now time I get back to my desk to finish all those futile elements before the morning starts.

Forgettable past

History repeats itself.The affection I showed was finally blown away and torn apart in the veil of ignorence.What can I say about myself?Why I repeated my mistake or I would ignore the result and counting only on the outcome of it.Surely it will make myself stronger but did I want this?Did I want to reciprocate the same what I did almost two years back.Nevertheless I will generate the animosity from the state of oblivion.But the trail is lurking very dangerously, I know.But hardly I can alter it.It is far behind of my control.I lost a lot but now no more.The clock is ticking faster than those lazy days,when I was on cloud 9.Utopia ravels the deconstruction and finally I am able to countersign the euthensia because I wanted to dodge it off,wanted to throw it in the dustbin of history.Yes I did it.It clings in the cup of dust just the fear needs to be removed and then another voyage will start.Journey to tear apart those sin.Confidence will come out soon.I hope!!

Pagalguy again turned out to be my savior.Not onlt the circle is completed but also it gets a new dimension.Time to redirect it where it should be.Dreams over,reality beckons.Time to do the justice and I will.I like to be that much sadist untill I squeeze myself completely.Bringing the best ain’t easy.The veil is lifted,the crawls are up and again I repeat I will.

“Friends and liars
Don’t wait for me
Cause I’ll get on
All by myself
Put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the sky here
I am not your automn moon
I am the night”

Squandering away

Smell of the dust seems prevaricating me and the drizzle holds me back. This anathema may not suit the best to keep myself  hiding from the realm of ground reality. The fragrance chokes the better of me,  I always try to hide myself from the jaw of near future. Still I try, still I find life as good. Pain spills over the ribs, my heart feels crying out. Still I squander, still I fake to transcend and feel like a winner confronting the allien territory and smile. It collapses, undaunted chimera jenuflects.I have no clue without smiling. When it rings, the never ending  note delliniates the last phase of life. Yet I smile. Quenching for a little silver lining pushes me to keep moving forward.

I can easily remember that day, yes that day when I cried a lot. The pain of leaving all those memories forever. The last footprint, the last remarkable incident was burnt in the funeral. I went with you to bid adieu forever. Forever ahh!! a tough word, nothing remains forever; a  philosophical abstract I suppose. But it will impact on me, that heavily, I had no precursor. The faded sun melted the last surreliasm,the end of an era. It was too heavey for me. Still I came back,submerging all those paranoid accident of time, the bliss, the serendipity.The quench of  hope continued, continued FOREVER!!

Here I am

Hmm!!

A long underpass, a long overdue, and the cliche “I am back”. Don’t ask for what I am back  because even I don’t know the actual reason to be under the camouflage. I am in illusion whether I was hibernating or what. Better late, than never, ahh!!! that dusty maxim but what the heck? It sounds balmy. Right?

My few friends,thanks to them, pointed out my grammatical errors. I am indebted to them. Without grammar wording seems flagrant, having no serious connotation with the reality. I agree.

Anyway, back to business. Till the CAT result declared life looks like a bit ignoble, no serious stuffs whatsoever.Few story books,I am in love with Ayn Rand.  Got the tag of  IT male and already started thinking to change it. Again the bell is ringing in my hand, CAT is not looking good without waring it. Now I see what I wanted to mean by “I am back”. The same business. The same ups and more downs, the same QA, DI and VA. I am laughing now, very inane. CAT had some emotional attachments once upon a time. Now it’s the way to channelize my frustration. I want to get out of  IT.Lets see where it closes.

I promise, my quant blog will come out from its sleepy situation.All the best to everyone, enjoy life.