Wherever I am today is due to all those rejections. Rejections inflict pain and pain makes you stronger, failures wipe out tears from your eyes and fear from your heart. It gives you courage to dream bigger every time you fall. Life rocks. [Dated on April 17th,2012]
When I look back I realize life had pumped away the extra dose of emotion from my heart and made me a bit inert. It was important to go through those stages, a few(may be more) dull days and lone nights when nobody but you need to care about yourself, have to pat on your back and need to say this too shall pass.
“He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man”. [Dated on May 5th,2012]
Life has certainly turned out to be a busy affair. I can remember those days when I was embarking on different avenues to get away from my sorry state of affairs that I faced on every front. I tried my hands upon different things during first quarter of twelve. Finally,I think ,I am able challenge myself with a demanding as well as an enriching learning experience in coming two months.
(1)It opens with CL Proctored Test series (yes my regular yearly based affair ) from 18’th May onward.
(2)FLIP Certification exam is scheduled on 25th June.
(3)ACET is on 30th June.
(4)Despite all these, I need to squeeze my time out to complete at least 4-5 books.
I am excited and looking forward to enjoy busiest days of my life. Is this a perfect time to ostracize sleep to strive hard for redemption? Lets see…
“It’s the best of times; it’s the worst of times.” This is one of the moments of your life when everything goes wrong, despite trying hard things don’t work out, everything looks so filthy and so gloomy. When your closest one leaves you because she does not have enough belief on your capability, your hard work towards an examination is mocked around midnight, you are badly injured while playing and need to remain like any other visitor whose objective is (just) to cheer his team up and the last nail in the coffin : your appraisal is screwed up badly. And you ask yourself, why me?
So I took my time out to find the answers of such questions. They are embarrassing I know, but you need to find an answer. May be this is the darkest phase of night before the dawn. So I need to fight hard without caring about what they will say if I fail once again. No!! This time I won’t fall. I have nothing much left to lose. So I can go to vindicate my dream. I have not lost my belief. I will justify the faith reposed on me by my fraternity. I can’t back down so easily. Quitters never win, and winners never quit. And the most important part to lose a battle at times, I realized, is as important as achieving something better. It gives you time to sit back and muse over your journey and not the throughput. Pain inside your heart sometimes makes you emotional, and you realize slight vapor in your eyes and then you become obstinate. It’s all part of the game. Anyone who fears that pain might inflict in the long journey should not play the game. The rule is simple: sweat your blood out, stick to your game plan and go for the kill with zero emotion and with a cool head.
I am paraphrasing one quote here, so indeed it is a plagiarism. But this sentence has lifted up the slang so beautifully that it turns out to be inspirational. I shall retain it.
When people ridicule you, criticize you, make fun of you; but you have not lost self belief and you are working hard to achieve it, then just smile at them with two words in mind: FUCK OFF!!
I am sitting in my cubicle and my penchant for a (cunning) wordplay sinks in. I cannot take a departure from the idea, though I know these distortions are often invalid – yet neglecting the nasty lure, as you know, is hardly possible. Whenever I tried to express any idea, irrespective of its triviality, either it turns out to be a void of facts or a repertoire of emotional jargons.
A lot of things happened in this tenure but I am too lazy to bring out every bit of it. So I shall flip through those pages but will try to highlight a few important facts, as it catches my eyesight. I will employ myself in a down to top approach in this regression.
I am enough presumptuous not to delve into those enterprises that hardly matter in long term revenue. I do that, I do not care and at the end of the day I feel proud about escaping it altogether. But still as it demands I try, as much as I can, to clad my extensive aversion; but most of the times my avenue to hide my naked hatred against the system remains a dodgy affair. I am amused to see how people can indulge in a life though they have a faint idea how hapless they will be once are shrugged off because they never tried to attain the skill to swim; just floated in the flight of time. Ok, I don’t have any complain against you people, because you knew you did not have any better choice so embarked on whatever you had, but it is irritating when you interfere in others territory whose ideas are not in tandem with you; yet you propound your idea to them and leave no stone unturned to proclaim your streamline of thoughts are perfectly synchronized to attain heights in future, please do refrain.
I subscribed to the idea to respect the luck factor. Yes, you need to have a good share of it to be successful. But it does not mean in the process of ramifications you need to hold only that brunch which contains all luck in it, as a matter of fact you would not find any, it is a cascade which waits for you after a tumultuous journey. Predicting when it will favor you is a futile task altogether.
Once again I have picked up a few books of Paulo Coelho, one of the seductive projects I could lay my hands upon after “eleven minutes”. Great creations by the person, I enjoy to read them while travelling or while I am lolling on my couch. I already tasted about two and a quarter of them and to my surprise each and everyone carries different smack and beauty replete with true inspiration. A calm yet very seductive vault of affairs in a terrain.
In the meantime I am done with my CAT, will be taking few others in couple of months. Pressure is building up and this is not one of the lovely times when you can enjoy your life holding a beer can in one of your hands and a book in the other.
“If”(Rudyard Kipling) looks so good after so many days, for a special reason. A random personal turmoil with which ,of late, I am enough habituated. A few rude shocks here and there make me to realize that it is not easy to become a man if you don’t have a mental chimera to endure the pain and keep moving forward. It’s one of the sad parts of life, you feel low when life hits you hard, at the same time you know you cannot allow the luxuriant pain to go abruptly till it takes the better of you, simply you can’t. You have to be focused without losing faith from yourself and need to keep on saying, this too shall pass.I can understand even facing your closed once ,who have the faith on you, becomes terribly difficult. Let alone those narcissists who will be happy if you screw it up and but will show off their false sympathy. But let face it. It will give you the fuel to keep yourself awake in the midnight rather having a rubbish sweet nap under your comfortable quilt.As Plato said we cannot acquire knowledge we just recollect the truth. And rough patches of your life will make you realize that you can surpass it. Here, life tests you. You have the resolution at your own disposal, it is just killing yourself for retribution.Whether you are good enough to get the brand of life or will remain to be an easy going one who just gets a life but never acquires the skill of living it. Here by living a life I mean to say, fighting and keeping your head high without breathing “a word about your loss”. It’s not that you want to prove those vitriol wrong it is all about proving that you were correct when you said you deserve every broth of it.
Anyway coming back to life I would like to mention a few lines of Linking Park with a small modification which can disrupt the taste all together. Still I do,pardon.
I tried so hard/ Got so far/ And in the end it all matters.
And it will matter,I believe.
“… If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son! ” -Rudyard Kipling
If life is not worth of taking risks,what does it worth of?A dialogue of a very recently watched english movie retrofits,as it seems.People take risks.Few take risks at market,few take risks for their loved once,few take risks in career.At the end of the game if one does not get what he(she) has thought of,one bleeds.A few still remain arrogant,follow the same circle.Every people at least follow the suit for at least for couple of times.When they face defeats life does not remain the same riffs,for the one they have given whatever they can,but life plays a cruel joke with them.It does not remain a bedtime story.Here onwards either vengeance strikes or they fade away very far from their once most cherished one or two.It happens.We have to accept what life dishes out to us,but the strive for getting the right one should continue.Suppose once you loved one girl deeply,as much as you could.But still you could not get her.I know how painful were those days,I know you could not sleep for nights.But then one night comes,your pain makes you so tired you fall asleep,you could not affort the bleed.Then one fine morning,you find no reason to get stuck at this point,so you move on.Once again you may get another hand too.Her eyes,her fragrance again start scientilates you,again you fall in love.You start chasing the unfinished tryst,this time you are fortunate enough,you get your girl.You live happily ever after..
Now you start asking yourself what if you could get your first one,what if you could not bleed nights after nights.But that is how life is.It is worth of pain,fear and nostalgia.Thinking to wind this up with Floyd,
” I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And headed straight..into the shining sun.”
We are about to end the year.Though I don’t want to betray they enthusiasm prevailing in the air by the word “ending”.So let me write the same in a different way.We are on the verge of another year,just like another twenty three years of my life.Some of us will surely map their strides and will embark on to achieve more and some of us will be hoping for a leap.Nothing unusual,nothing colossal just like that.The rat race will be as usual if you win,the virility will be postured otherwise there is another year to bring peace and happiness,as per the maxim.It comes it goes.Do all these can have enough capability to smear our image?May be yes may be not,I dont know.Not very objective,I suppose.Whatsoever it will be same for all the coming years.Those games which will declare us as winners will permease the adrenalin to rush through our vain to get more significant ones.There is no limit of “more”,you know.It circulates,one never ending loop or rather a self replicating game,what we have been doing for “n” number of years,no change here atleast.Change is the only constant,change is good we say but each year borrows the same trepidation to loose out from the game.Can we put up with the excruciating pain of being defeated.So,we go down,we rename it a way of fighting for the justice,being a constituent of the same I cannot be against of it though.I cant ignore it,but does it not due the perturbation?Does it not that I fear to be destined alone;rambling for anything without,I say except,continuous improvement where one cannot cut down even a second to think about himself looks like an exercise to gasp for a breathe.I know I cannot show enough bravery to go against the motion still I feel,a catch22.This post has all odd materials to detest me in the coming year.I know I will frown about the time which gave me enough luxary to think all these rubbish,may not watch it out even,petrubation I already hinted.But it is a question I wanted to air.My idea is not devoted to quench the thirst of knowledge.It’s because, at times I felt, we enjoy to beat others,even some of our friends.Some of you already have the answer,why we cant cannibalize the intense mental taruma of loosing it out?Even this time also besets me with a lot of untoward questions,whether being a part of the race which has no end and which have been going for twenty three years,are literary irritating me.The new year beckons.So better I retain what I am.The race will continue,better I accept.The clock is ticking,just like that!!